Springfield Elementary Awarded $800,000 in Stimulus Funds, Homer Simpson Chair of Oversight Committee
21st Century Skills, Education Reform, FunFOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Springfield, USA: Today Superintendent Gary Chalmers announced that Springfield Elementary was awarded an $800,000 grant from the US Department of Education. Â
“These funds will help bring Springfield Elementary into the 21st century,” Chalmers said. “It’s almost as if Springfield has been standing still in time for 20 years.”
“With this grant money, we’ll pay smart kids from Shelbyville to take standardized tests for our Springfield students,” said school Principal Seymour Skinner. “The plan will cost a lot, but Springfield Elementary will come out looking really good.”
“Uh, I’d like to thank Moe for hosting the meetings in his bar,” said Homer Simpson, chair of the community oversight committee. “Also I’d also like to tell the other chumps on the committee to quit their whining about not getting any doughnuts – you snooze, you lose. Thank God my daughter Lisa was there. That kid really knows how to run a meeting.”
When asked why so much of the money was spent on slide rules and slate boards, Simpson replied, “How else are Springfield kids going to learn 20th century skills?”
D’oh!
